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On my return trip from a speaking engagement in Chicago, I found myself seated next to a flight attendant. She told me something interesting about the new training of flight attendants, since 9-11. In case of an emergency landing, they had always been trained to say things like:

“Brace for impact!”
“Move to the emergency exits.”
“Stay calm.”

This past year, a new phrase was added. “Leave your baggage behind!” This seemed rather obvious to me, but she said statistics have shown that, in an actual crisis, passengers rush to grab their bags. They just do not seem to be able to leave them behind!

I looked down at the new lemon green Coach purse I had purchase don Chicago’s Michigan Avenue and immediately identified with that urge to protect and keep my valuables. Then I realized the stupidity of sacrificing my life for a trendy image! As I discovered my urge to grip my purse a little tighter, I thought of the same challenge we face in letting go of our “emotional baggage.”

We sometimes hold tight to old feelings of guilt, resentment and anger, having grown comfortable with the weight tugging at our shoulders unaware there might be an easier way to live. This baggage holds us back and even hurts us in important relationships. As a Life Coach, I see it everyday – people who insist on allowing their children or their loved ones to control them with guilt. I hear about employers who still use anger to dominate their employees. And as for emotional baggage in marriages, resentment, in my opinion, has killed more marriages than alcohol.

I remember a client whose life illustrated this exact point. When Halie called me for life coaching, she wanted a closer more intimate relationship with her husband. Unfortunately he worked late hours, avoided expressing his love to her and did not seem to want to be with her very much. Yes, he made good money, but the passion was gone from their marriage. I challenged Halie to follow a three step plan to improve her marriage.

Step #1: Be the change you wish to see! Focus on yourself for the change. I told her. You cannot change other people but you can change yourself. The first step is to make a firm decision, a commitment to yourself to take the necessary action.

Step #2: Expand your vision! See yourself in a happy marriage relating to your husband as if he were the perfect man you thought you married. I asked her to think back to a time in their marriage when they both experienced a really good time together – to put a big frame around that memory and to keep that image in her mind. Be the person you were then, I challenged her.

Step #3: Leave your emotional baggage behind! Halie admitted she held some resentment for all the times she spent raising the children without his help, for the loneliness she had felt crawling in bed alone at night, and for the frustration she experienced when meals she had made had gotten cold and gone uneaten. If she wanted to get closer to her husband, she would have to let go of this resentment – clean out her hear. I could tell this step was hard for Halie because she felt she was right about the fact he should have been there. I asked her how it was working for her in her marriage to hold on to being right? She agreed it wasn’t getting her the end result she wanted. She had to drop the baggage, forgive him and move on with developing a good life for herself and her family.

Halie accepted the challenge and followed my three-step plan. The outcome surprised even me. She cleaned up her inner life and cleaned the heaviness of resentment from her hear. Free of that heavy baggage, she found the energy to work out at the local gym, remembered her love of gourmet cooking, and even brushed up on her boundaries with her children. Lo and behold! You guessed it. Her husband started coming home earlier and even invited her out on a date. Forgiveness had lightened her load and brought love and acceptance, as a result of letting go.

As the flight attendant finished talking, I began to loosen my grip on my lemon green purse. I was feeling a bit lighter. Maybe I should sell it on EBAY and donate the money (quite a bit actually) to the Tsunami Relief Effort. I might just need to leave some baggage of my own behind!